Here at D-J we like to give awards of recognition for those who go above and beyond. When you check out our ‘Incentives’ and ‘Diatomaceous-Johnson Hall of Fame’ pages you’ll find our stellar performers as well as those who’ve achieved much more than expected. We don’t have an ’employee of the month’ or any such ‘everyone gets a trophy’ feel good nonsense, but what we DO have is a sort of shrine for those employees, clients, and staff that deserve special recognition for something truly extraordinary.
Our founder was a kid in the time of “Laugh-In.” And would later meet William Proxmire (then Senator from Wisconsin) as a governmental delegate as well as get a ‘suitable for framing’ and signed picture with him.
Both Laugh-In and William Proxmire ALSO gave out awards.
Laugh-in was known for its “Flying Fickle Finger of Fate” award — actually stolen from a B-movie titled of the same name. It was handed out in random intervals for someone who’d distinguished himself or herself by an act of personal buffoonery, or by the hand of fate found himself engaged in a comedic and unforgettable event.
Proxmire’s award was a bit more high-minded, but of similar tongue-in-cheek tone. It was given to the entity (for the time period) who’d managed to squander public money in an exceptionally egregious fashion. And known as the “Golden Fleece” award.
It struck us at D-J that we didn’t have a similar equivalent. And probably was high time we found one. One in which our staff could diligently scour the planet for the most prominent act of gross buffoonery, and present an award to the recipient he or she could cherish for the rest of his life. The major problem is at D-J, we’re commensurate professionals; while we have time for humor finding the bounds of true buffoonery sometimes escaped us. And perhaps we needed some outside help.
So, naturally, we turned to our good friend Richard A. “Swingin’ Dick” Long. As a bandleader present at a wide variety of truly “Swingin” social events–some of these exceeding the bounds of good taste (but one hellava lot of fun), we were assured he’d seen his share of public and private buffoonery. And Dick was happy to lend a hand ! We’ve added Dick to our panel of experts in objectively nominating and selecting a worthy recipient, and welcome his input. More than that (and without our putting the ‘bite’ on him) he volunteered to fund the effort and make it a bit more of a contest. Not only will he be sending the ‘suitable for framing’ trophies for those receiving the award, but also will be kicking in a full years free MP3’s and downloadable discography for every Swingin’ concert and event the band has done over the past year ! And there’s more ! Swingin’ Dick will sponsor an all expense paid trip for the next major band event to the lucky recipient; the only thing he asked is some input as to the name of the award.
How could we refuse ?
Effectively immediately, D-J — in conjunction with Swingin’ Dick’s Dance Band–announces the Golden Boner Award. This prestigious award shall be given to an entity–on an interval determined by the board–who pulled the most egregious Boner since the last award was presented. With careful consideration of ALL candidates by the Board.
Here at D-J we realize time is our most precious resource. And don’t want to wait to act to get things started. So we begin by awarding this prestigious award TONIGHT !
By unanimous vote, the FIRST “Swingin’ Dick’s Golden Boner” prize goes to:
(envelope please……)
Volodymyr Zelenskyy !!!
Mr. Z bilked the US taxpayers out of roughly 350 BILLION dollars involving himself in a war he helped provoke (to be fair, the reasons for the invasion are complex and involve expansion of NATO, Russian Aggression and paranoia over border security, abrogation of agreements made with Russia by most all NATO states, some US chicanery involving assurances and potential money laundering by politicians through FSU satellites (as well as assurances to those FSU leaders that the US ‘had their back,’) and some potential meddling in elections; mostly under democrat US leadership. We doubted the provocation thing until we saw his demeanor and actions during the meeting with President Trump. He’s an actor–which is fine–but obviously he’s also pompous with a leftist entitlement mentality. So we have no doubt that while Putin acted improperly, Mr. Z likely poked the bear and suffered the consequences).
Mr. Z had a golden opportunity to get US continued cooperation. As everyone knows, Trump is a strong president representing US interests and not a roll-over self-serving demagogue from the Biden crime family (nor does Mr. Trump try to launder taxpayer money through Ukraine to get a cut for “the Big guy.”). It’s inconceivable that Z wouldn’t know this as well. But he gambled that he could have the press spotlight on Trump, up the grift, and Trump would cave.
And he gambled and lost. He came off to most as a whiny entitled rude actor and left with nothing.
All he had to do is put his hat in his hand for a moment, listen for a bit, smile, keep his mouth shut, and make a deal which would’ve brought the US in as a partner in mining Ukraine’s Rare-Earth minerals. And the war would end. When you’ve got the US as your public declared partner, you’ve got Don Corleone crushing Putin’s petty thuggery.
But Z’s seems an entitled leftist liberal–interested in personal position, prestige, and power — and figured he could up the ante. After all, Biden laundered money through his country and gave him everything he wanted. And the RINOs (and most of EU) was a pushover. So why not televise it (RINOs always cave when in the spotlight), intimidate Trump (with the whole world watching) and get a committal to continue the war (bolstering his personal power in that he’s declared Martial law to suspend elections).
What he DIDN’T count on is Trump (who speaks now on behalf of the vast majority of the American people–who’ve seen our finest mired in wars on foreign shores and need a DAMN good reason to fund and back continued wars–and need make absolutely certain they’re backing the right horse). Just like all REAL Americans, when Trump gets hit, he hits back twice as hard. And doesn’t stop the fight until his opponent is on the floor. It’s as predictable as tomorrow’s sunrise.
Which Z isn’t. Instead, he spoke and spoke and couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Disrespecting not only our President but also the people of the United States (who’ve already allocated 350 Bil). EXPECTING we’d continue to fund him and his cause no matter what. Having an arrogant entitled demeanor (and as an actor could have done much better). And showing everyone he might not be fit to lead a marching band; much less a nation. Trump gave him many chances to quiet down for a bit and listen to what the US proposed, buy Zelenskyy thought aggressively pressing the grift would work. It didn’t.
Quickly porking away any American support. And seeing the guy for who he is. Seemingly he doesn’t want peace or solution. He expects others to bow to him because he’s a well spoken darling–and at this stage is looking to be a player with power. Now he’s got nothing; taking his tin cup to the liberal dupes in the UK and Europe. People who can’t help him (but might manage to get into a direct confrontation with a major nuclear power–Russia–by trying). Our belief at D-J is the leftist UK government and Woke Europe is wholly unable to stand up to Putin without US backing and there’ll be alot of press bluster and whining on Sky and CNN, but absent a deal with US backing Ukraine, Europe will cave and Ukraine will fall. Woke dumbasses don’t have teeth.
Not alot of people get tossed out of the White House. But like an arrogant drunk at a bar Zelenskyy managed to get himself bounced.
Charitably, Trump left the door open. “Come back when you’re ready.” Hopefully that ready won’t cost too many lives or cause an escalation where Europe finds how Fusion works firsthand. But we suspect Z — absent some real humility and contrition–will be out before anything REALLY bad happens.
At D-J, our hat’s off to the rag-tag militia fighters in the Ukraine–they have completely validated the Second Amendment of our United States (namely that citizens with rifles can stalemate any attack–even one from a superpower). Strange that liberals attack it. But it’s OUR belief they need a better leader; not one out for his own self and power but one for the nation.
Obviously, Ukraine is NOT a place for US troops to be; we owe our finest sons and daughters better than to throw them into this quagmire without direction. As far as contracted mercenaries or ‘pirates,’ whatever floats your boat (so to speak).
It’s obvious that Zelenskyy has committed a major act of buffoonery. Our entire staff–as well as Swingin’ Dick agree. So we are justifiably proud in awarding our FIRST “Swingin’ Dick’s Golden Boner” award to Mr. Z. And look forward to seeing him and his significant other at Swingin’ Dick’s Forth of July Extravaganza !
Diatomaceous-Johnson 